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09:57 pm
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A---
ugh i can't stop thinking of him.... what am i going to do he is married i can't do this to myself.. i feel as if i'm tourturing myself by thinking of him...
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09:23 pm
[Link] | i like so much to talk to him, his lips are way out there. to nibble and to kiss tenderlry.. ugh
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11:46 pm
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SUCKS
YOU KNow what sucks is when you find out things about your man and he says its your falut for finding out. ASS
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06:03 pm
[Link] | wow ITS HOT i think that i'm on the surface of the sun as my cousin says. I can't belive its been so hot.!
Current Mood:  content
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09:55 am
[Link] | Ever wonder what your friends really think of you? I did but know I know where I stand with what I though was a very good friend. I went to my Friend Annie’s Wedding last night She look so beautiful and elegant WoW I really can’t say anything else everything from the church to the ballroom everything look just great her mom looked outstanding, Lauren look so pretty with her dress and her hair was my goodness everything was GREAT!! Then they put this slide show on you know the ones that start as little babies and stuff like that to they get to present date. Well ALL “her friends” where in it but me. Even Linda a girl that lived across the street from our friend Monica’s house was in it. She wasn’t even at the wedding. Okay don’t think I’m nit picking cause I’m not I’ve known Annie since I was 12 that makes her 11 and for the first time in 17 ½ years I felt like I was just not her friend. This is something that I never expected from her. Because like I have written in my past journals I’ve done a lot for Annie as I’m sure she has done for me but not being part of the most important day in her life and now not being part of her slide show was very upsetting to me. Not that I got mad or anything like that but it hurt my feelings. I’m just glad that this is event is over. I hope that I never think of it again and that I could get past it so that I could heal. L I love my friend but this hurts L And I’m hurt and I’ve cried enough to start to get past it.
Current Mood:  crushed
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08:01 pm
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ANOTHER LONG DAY.
Will its been a long time since i signed in and wrote something. ugh.. lots has happened. but lets get to a couple of things. first i'm in fatuated with a guy that is in the middle of a divorce ugh and has three kids. yuck! but he is mr. dreamy my god his x wife is a bitch and is making him go threw hell she even got pregnant 3 1/2 years ago so that he wouldn't be able to leave her but its much for him how he says. we don't talk alot but when we do its great for the last couple of days we haven't talked cause his wife went to where he was working and took his phone from his car while he was working took all his cash from inside of the truck and a couple of work checks. he hasn't been leaving in his house for about 2 months now he is 36 and i'm 30 but its getting crazy he lives in miami which doesn't make it easy to see him i hope he comes out soon cause i miss him like crazy. in a way its a good thing that i don't live in miami cause it makes things less stressfull for me althoug i haven't seen him since january 12, 2005 and that isn't makeing things nice. UGH jose is still around when he wants to be my back has been out since about the 21st of January will its been bad i had to go get an epidural shot in my lower disk which in english that means where my butt crack starts. UGH it hurt like HELL ouch..
i'm a little sore and i'm sad cause i miss wilbur. i miss him. its bad when you miss someone that been coming to see you since december and hasn't come out to see you since januray its going to be a month on sunday jezzzzzzzzzze. plus it doesn't help that. my uncle has become extra sensatvie since he has been in LA okay i'm pretty sore and need to go to bed my bags under my eyes are droppy.
eileen LOVES wilbur awwwwwwwwwww how cute but how am i going to do this...
Current Mood:  moody
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10:21 pm
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HAPPY NEW YEARS EVE
will today the new guy came by three times i almost died good he is fucking cute what i would hmmmmmmm yummy... he is great i can't think of anything else other then him. its been like that for two months now.. ugh he is so cute i love everything about him. his body his lips his hands his heart. i guess i'm sad cause he came by at 8:34 and left at 9 but someone that good can't stay around to long fuck.i can't belive the two bitches he has been married todivorced him, anyhow its been a month that we have been seeing each other at my uncles house nothings happened not for lack of trying but whatever. happy new year i'm going to bed now with the need to see the hot man yummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmy
Current Mood:  flirty
Current Music: fireworks.
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04:05 pm
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a journey
a new person has come into my life. I've only chatter with him for a month and gosh i can't wait to see him again. its been a long time comeing i haven't felt this way in a longggggggggggggggg time and i'm so excited when i do see him. I even get butterflys in my tummy i miss him alot but don't dare to say anything. i can't wait to see him this weekend.
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09:37 pm
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LONG DAY...
today was a long day i'm sleepy i got up early and did stuff that i needed to do for the events in the coming weeks jose got another JOB YIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPY i can't belive it. but i'm very happy for him. I almost have everything under control at the house and now i'm just needing to see if could rest a little hopefully this week b4 everything gets crazy. i'm going to be cleaning and picking up the house this week i must catch up with everything. i spend the day with jose today and we didn't fight much for say. it was a good day.
Current Mood:  sleepy
Current Music: jose singing in the shower...
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12:58 pm
[Link] | wELL ITS BEEN A while since i've written in this. i guess i haven't really felt upto anything. I think i came to the conculsion that even tho i totaly like Arian i know he doesn't see the same thing for me.. its just flirting and thats all.. well today i found out that my cousin in texas got her id and we are going to buy her airline ticket i guess that i feel that i might become jelaous when she comes and my cousin says to her lets go out and ask me to come along just out of pitty since he never has invited me to come along with him. ugh i don't know why ugh..
other then that my face is very bruised because of stupid dentist.. ugh
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09:44 pm
[Link] | well my mom left to miami today i went to go see my nephews game at bosco and i can't stand my aunt questioning me. I got up early and went to see Steven play football it was a good game. i loved it!!! i came home and my mom said that she needed to go to fl i go her a ticket and off she went.. god hope everything is okay she took a medication that makes her very sleepy.. ugh.. and my aunt is questioning everything i do.. from the time i pee to the time i shower.. UGH i can't stand her most of the time but god i love her.. UGH.. we just got home my cousin and i and he took off i can't belive i said i was hungry and i was going to go get something to eat and he takes off.. fuck that sucks. if i leave we will lose the parking and we can't do that now..
I think i wish i was rich and didn't have to worry about my aunt just say fuck off and butt out. but i'm not and i respect her but i swear she bugs me..
Current Mood: frustrated
Current Music: fish tank
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09:15 pm
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woohoo
okay so my aunts surprise 50th is on its way.. gosh i've worked hard i got the resturant reserved for 50 people and i'm hoping its not going to be one over 60 hehehe cause its going to be to much money for me.. AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW since i'm on medical i can't afford to much. i'm going to make the invites at home and that way i'll save a little there, food is incuded in the 2k so its kewl like that.. and well its only for family and a couple of close friends..
today my mom talked to Arian and he said that why hadn't i called i didn't call him all day i'm so proud. yippy
i'm going to bed i have lots to get ready for tomorrow new bed YIPPPPPPPPPPPPY
Current Mood: happy
Current Music: law and order..
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10:10 pm
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:)
YIPPPPPPPPPPPY I GOT TO SPEND two hours with Arian!!!! It was so nice even though we talked buss. For about 45 min it was still great to see him and chat with him, I just miss him more now that I can't see him nor can I just send him a text plus it made me very nervous when I caught him looking at me, I wore my hair straight and he kept telling me that he likes it and he likes that he really likes it straight more than curly..
He’s cute. And I know that its not fair to Jose that I like someone else but at the same time he does way more behind my back. I just feel what if we don’t talk? What if he’s the one?? Just WHAT IF????? I’m confused but, but, I don’t have another excuse I just like him that’s all.
Current Mood: happy
Current Music: the Nanny
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10:24 am
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longggggggggggggg weekend.
Okay so Friday Jose and I spent most of the day together. Which was fine we had an okay day. Saturday we woke up and had breakfast, went to the flower mart then he went to wash and get a haircut. It was his class reunion and so it was cool he had to get ready and do his things. So then the drama began he was supposed to come to my house so we could leave from my house, he calls me at 5:40 and tells me we have to be there at 6 I said okay so you must be at my house I could get dressed in 10 min and we could leave he said he was just getting home. To his house, I was like huh? I can't get dressed and you are not here. Anyhow I had to pick his ass up and we went we got there at 8 Hahahaha I didn't know what I wanted to wear hehehehe and he wasn't ready plus it was his sister's b-day. Okay so we get there and it was okay no biggie we eat everything is good and we ate and talked with another couple on the table it was fine. Then this girl comes over and talks to him and talks and then he takes him from the table she brings her husband and drops him off at the table where I’m. Okay so he leaves to "mingle" as he says. He’s gone and gone and this guy (the chicks husband) says oh I can't see my wife I called Jose and I said NOW he’s talking to me and talking and talking and I’m like NOW. Well since he didn't come I text messages him. To come to the table, then the girl comes back to the table and she's telling me he's mingling with old friends. I know your mad I saw the text message oh man I WAS FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKING MADDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So he comes to the table with a beer, and he saying I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m mingling with my friends blah blah blah blah. So I’m like look let me open your eyes, I’m your girlfriend you leave me at the fucking table with some guy blah, you don't come back for like 40 min, and you have a fucken beer and I’m dieing of thirst when you got your beer you couldn't buy me something?? WHAT THE FUCK??? And now your sitting here telling me that your mingling why the fuck can't you mingle with me by your side. I’m well educated I know how to converse with other people nor would I ever embarrass YOU! Like you do me. So then after this was over we left oh ya I wanted to get up and leave his ass there but none of his good "friends" would have taken his ugly ass home. So then I had to take him home and he said oh I’m going to go home with you. I didn't want to fight anymore but I felt like saying look mother fucker I had to pick ur ass up and now I have to take you home and then I have to go home FUCK I wasn't happy.
SO SUNDAY
I spent the day with mom, cousin, aunt and Ed mom’s man. Anyhow after a long day with my mom and company we went to cheesecake factory it was great 150.00 later we all had a good time as a family we went o stats bought some things and then later came home my aunt went home I watched my Sunday shows extreme make over home edition, law and order CI, grey's anatomy. It was good then I went to sleep.
I missed Arian a lot this week since I got to spend the other day with him for 1 1/2 it was kind of cool I just missed him. Then the new guy Walter his voice is really nice he called on Friday when I was with Jose I sent him flowers for helping my mom out with her matters, anyhow I guess I felt like an ass with Jose he just left me there at the table and I felt ugh. Okay that was it.
Current Mood: weird
Current Music: price's right
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08:31 pm
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I HATE...
i hate that i'm the fucking nice one that always gets stuck at home! today i had a nice a.m. i met this real hot guy his name is walter i guess it could be worse it could be waldo.. lol anyhow fine we talked he asked for my number i got his he called and everything. awsome..
blah the day went FFW>> so i came home my cousin cooked my aunt came over and jose was supposed to come over and he hasn't shown up ummm its fucken 833 where the fuck is he??? at home i have a surprise for you honey.. kiss my fat ass.. ugh.. i'm ANGRY i guess this would not be good for the BP ugh.. ya the surprise is for my cousin not for ME!!!!! FUCKER so my aunt that is a pain in the fucken ass. is at the house and talk and talk and talking.. then when she isn't moter mouth she is trying to find something messy to pick up.. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH GO HOME LADY!!!!! then my fucking cousin gets a call okay i'll be rite over.. i looked at him and said where you going your leaving me alone with her.. UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH he got ready and fucken LEFT!!!!!!!!!!!! so i pretended to go to sleep she was talking and talking to me i was like ummm its late i have to do stuff i;ll get a plate for you and then you could go so you could feed the dogs ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh then i called jose and told him no to come over and i called my cousin and said why the f- did you leave he said i had to i said i saw no one come in and put a knife to your head for you to leave.. fucker and i hung up the phone.. i'm steeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeemingggggggggggggggg mad..
fucken DAY! :((((((((
Current Mood: irritated
Current Music: fucken fish tank i hate.....
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09:19 pm
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SEAWORLD!!
okay so i went to seaworld this weekend. it was great i'm supposed to do things that make me happy which i've done so that i could keep my BP undercontrol so I went to a place that i love. first of all i saw Arian on Thursday and he's been very cold with me so i sent him an email. he hasn't written back no will he. then i saw him today and he was very chaty but i left him hanging with his words i got up and ran to my car told him i had stuff to do which i did.
okay JOSE the story part 1
>>> he came over thursday night at 10:00 we got up on friday at 3:30 and took off for san Diego got to the hotel and went to bed. then got up at around 10 went to the mall walked around grabbed some lunch went back to the hotel took a load off, showered went to pick up his sister from the the metro. by this time it WAS 11:00 PM I WAS DEAD tired and getting pissed by the min.. how if you are haveing GIRL issues you don't take care of your shit? FUCK i couldn't belive that she didn't have any off her things with her.. ugh.. what ever i'll get over it. ugh.. fine got up at 9 the next day i took a shower and i was like jose check your VM to see if you don't have to go to work at 10 on sunday so we could stay in sd so whatever i took a shower and i sent him a text message. he came into the shower and said why did i send him a text? i said b/c i knew that you would check your VM when i left the room and i just wanted to prove to myself that. so we checked out of the hotel as i'm driving to SEAWORLD i'm like o let me get the tickets i read them and they expired i my pb went upppppppppppppppppppp 156/92 went to GR and they took care of me and my tickets were fine my bp dropped then to low ugh it was drama but until 2 i was not okay. but still i wanted to make th best out of the it. anyhow we left the flippen park at 7 i was tired but jose is like i have to go to work i have to go to work.. UGH okay so i drove and drove and i couldn't i was so tired i got to a town i pulled into the hotel and said if you guys want to go home get a cab! i went in took a shower and went to bed. i got up at 7 the next day got jose up and took off.. mind you WE HAD WALKED in the PAKR ALL DAY WOULD YOU TAKE A SHOWER???? JOSE AND I DID BUT his sister with her girl ISSUES DID NOT YUCK!!! when i got up and saw that her towel was still sitting on the thing i wanted to DIE!!!!!!! YUCK!! well never again do i think i will be going out of town with her! I can't stand dirty people. UGH!
so i got home cleaned up my crap that i brought back home and i called jose i said" i just wanted to tell you that i had a good weekend and that i miss you" he says " its only been 1 hour and you miss me?" I said oh okay well i better go." i hung up. then when he got off work he calls me and SAYS " your smoothering me by telling me that you missed me and it only had been an hour, This is what i don't like about you" I said cause i called to tell you that i missed you? okay well i have to go now " I hung up and he called like 10 times i didn't take his call so he text to answer or he would come over. and he came over i told him to leave he stayed for 30 min talking to me and i was watching the awards blah blah blah. SO i was very upset and sad i told him that i would never EVER say that to him. :( my BP has been a little on the high side today but i'm hoping its going to shape up soon i miss DISNEYLAND!
Current Mood: calm
Current Music: fish tank,,,
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06:40 pm
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Arian...
Well he didn't call or email today either i'm disapointed in him! :(
Current Mood: disappointed
Current Music: dirty dancing havana nights
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06:32 am
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ugh
I can't belive he got his cookies yesterday and he didn't call or send an email! i miss him so much. in my heart i feel i am in love with him, but how could i be inlove with someone that i am not dating.. i don't feel like this is a crush i feel like i'm in love with him. i'm so sad and hurt :( I think that is why i haven't sleept all weekend because i've been thinking of him and how bad i want to be part of his life. And have him feel the same way. :( but i know he has that live in girlfriend that he doesn't love. he's with her just to live with someone and sleep with her when ever he needs it. What bugs me about him is he wanted to know all about J and i and he was going to answer me back yet he never did. that was 7/13/05 i guess he will never answer back. I'm going to try not to call him and not to send him email its just hard. I watch this soap in spanish JUANA LA VIRGEN and the guy in the soap looks like him so everytime i see the soap i think of him. UGH :((((((((((((((((((( WAAAAAAAAAWAAAAAAAAAAAA plus i'm sick and that doesn't make it better. will its 640 i guess i could go to bed now. We lost power yesterday and they called at 445 to see if we had power i've been up since a little before than plus tossing and turning all night long. UGH :(
Current Mood: jealous
Current Music: -
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04:07 pm
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happy birthday
well today is Arian's birthday UGH i wish i could be with him.. I notices over this week that i am UPSESED with him. I wish i could spend alot of time with him but i only talk to him via email and when i have to call to see if i have any notaries. UGH!!!! i don't even know what to do any more i want to see him and i can't. i want to call him and i cant what could i do?? UGH :(
Current Mood: sad
Current Music: mal de amores...
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10:38 pm
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ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh
okay i finally know whats going on with A his mommy had surgery and he hasn't been in the office for the last two or so days. ugh i miss him.
on another note i went to the movies with Jose ugh we went to the Arclight theather (arclightcinemas.com ) it was so nice Jose and i didn't fight much but god i don't like him very much ;*( we went and we had dinner in the theather we talked and it feels so strange to be around him i haven't seen him since the 17th of august well i saw him a few min the day of the car thing and that was like 3 mondays ago. ugh it feel strange to be around him. i don't know why i guess cause we fight so much.
but we saw a funny movie the The 40 Year-Old Virgin which was nice cause there was no kids screeming and that was nice its an area in the cinema that is for 21 and over only thats cause there is a bar and stuff its kewl i loved it
i just wish i could feel something more for jose ugh that makes me sad we are going out tomorrow lets see how that goes. then i asked him to sleep over and well he said he didn't have clothes to sleep over. i'm hungry nite.
...
Current Mood: hungry
Current Music: fish tank...
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